Archive for the ‘ T.heology ’ Category

Mr. T on Total Depravity {re-post}

I thought I’d do something fun for the next 5 Fridays. I’ll be explaining the concept of the “Calvnist” doctrine known as T.U.L.I.P. through one of my boyhood heroes, Mr. T.

T on Total Depravity -

Listen up fool! A lot of suckas don’t realize that the natural state of man – the way we was born – is evil! Most fools don’t believe T about this, but that’s why they fools! Romans 3:9-10 & 18 says “I have already charged that all men, both Jews and Greeks, are under the power of sin, as it is written: None is righteous, no not one; no one seeks for God….There is no fear of God before their eyes.”. I pity the fool that don’t listen to T, but I REALLY pity the fool who don’t listen to what God said, sucka!

Some of you might whine to Mr. T “But I drink my milk, love my Mama, give to charity, go to church…” cut that jibba-jabba out, fool! God says that even when you say you tryin’ you really sinnin’! The Romans 14:23 says “Whatever does not proceed from faith is sin.” That means that it don’t matter if you try to live in church your whole life, like them monks did way back then, it don’t matter! You can’t do nuthiin’ good apart from faith, fool!

Now listen, some of you are thinkin’ “I don’t buy all that jive, I can live a life without sin.” My response is – Shut-up, fool! Don’t give me no back talk! You only sayin’ that because you don’t get what sin is! You probably think, that if you don’t kill people, only bash they heads together or pick them up and throw them at something then you ain’t done nothin’ wrong! That’s crazy fool! The only man who ever lived with out sin was Jesus, and since He was also God, it means ain’t none of us gonna do it again! Sin ain’t just big things like murder & rape – it when you do things like hating someone, lying, putting other things before God, starin’ at a pretty girl in the wrong way. Go ahead and try to live without sin – you can’t do it because it ain’t in yo fallen nature, fool. Just wait and see what pops out of your heart the next time Murdock says something crazy, or when some fool jumps out and shoots the tires on your van! That momentary loss of control, when you lose your temper and hate your neighbor, or even your loved ones, that’s sin fool! You always sinnin’!

Here’s the worst part, fool. The Bible says that man is gonna die once, then face judgment. (Hebrews 9:27). I pity the fool who dies and comes before God guilty of all his sins. You think God is gonna let you go just because? He won’t do it fool! You guilty, and the sentence for your sins WILL be carried out. You know something, though? It don’t have to be that way. Ask Jesus to forgive yo sins. Repent of them. Follow Christ. I will unpity if you have those sins removed through faith in Jesus. And believe Mr. T, ain’t nobody but Jesus that would or even could forgive yo sins, sucka.

I’ll be back with more next week. Don’t act a fool, fool.

This is a re-post from 4 years ago.  It’s almost as lazy as just not posting something, but not quite.

2010
09/17
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Trent Makes Some Orange Juice

How does one go about the unpleasant business of determining whether or not they are anathema?  Perhaps the first step is to discover exactly what it means to be anathema.  To be declared anathema is to be cursed on an ecclesiastic (church) level and then excommunicated.

In the Roman Catholic Church, there are several ways in which one might be anathematized.  Tim Prussic reviewed one in particular over at Providence this morning.  While Tim deals with Canon XII of the Council of Trent, I want to look at Canon XI which states:

If any one saith, that men are justified, either by the sole imputation of the justice of Christ, or by the sole remission of sins, to the exclusion of the grace and the charity which is poured forth in their hearts by the Holy Ghost, and is inherent in them; or even that the grace, whereby we are justified, is only the favour of God; let him be anathema.

The Scriptures declare that we have been saved by Grace through faith alone, apart from any works, lest we start saying that we had some part in our own salvation and boast about it (Eph. 2:8-9).  Believing the Scriptures to be true, I’m left anathema by the Roman Catholic Church. That’s to be expected.  I grew up Lutheran, danced with Roman Catholicism before actually studying my Bible, and ultimately became Reformed.  What’s unexpected (and funny) is the posthumous anathematizing of folks like the apostle Paul (who wrote Ephesians 2:8-9) and Augustine, who had declared in the Council of Orange (centuries before Trent):

CANON 6. If anyone says that God has mercy upon us when, apart from his grace, we believe, will, desire, strive, labor, pray, watch, study, seek, ask, or knock, but does not confess that it is by the infusion and inspiration of the Holy Spirit within us that we have the faith, the will, or the strength to do all these things as we ought; or if anyone makes the assistance of grace depend on the humility or obedience of man and does not agree that it is a gift of grace itself that we are obedient and humble, he contradicts the Apostle who says, “What have you that you did not receive?” (1 Cor. 4:7), and, “But by the grace of God I am what I am” (1 Cor. 15:10).

So let this be a cautionary tale to those who put their foundation in something other than the Word of God.  The time may come, as it did for poor Augustine, when you may be declared anathema for adhering to a Magisterial decree closer in line with the Scripture than what the present age Powers-that-be feels like believing.  And really, what can you say to stop them?

2010
07/15
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Mr. T and the WSC # 2

Sucka!Here is my second installment of the Westminster Shorter Catechism. as always, it is in yo best interest to pay attention, sucka!

Q: What rule hath God given to direct us how we may glorify and enjoy him?

A: The word of God, which is contained in the scriptures of the Old and New Testaments, is the only rule to direct us how we may glorify and enjoy him.

Why do we call the Bible the word of God? Because that’s what it is, fool! Don’t believe all that jibba-jabba ’bout the Bible being invented by fools – because it was the immediate inspiration of the Spirit of God – “All Scripture is given by inspiration of God.” (2 Timothy 2:16) I’ll prove it, too; Aside from the majesty of the Word itself, the way it provides answers to mystery, fulfilled prophecies, and how the writers have died for what God has revealed to them. The burden is on you sucka, to explain why Peter, Paul, James, and the other apostles were willing to die for the Scriptures, if they just made them up.

That just don’t play out in real life, fool. I constantly run into thugs and henchmen working fool drug lords. The suckas make good money, too. But none of them are willing to die at the hand of T for their causes. One time, I remember me an Hannibal were looking for this girl that was kidnapped. I had just blown up a bunch of fools with a grenade, and some of them was still conscious (normally A-team grenades only cause people to do front flips and get knocked out, they ain’t fatal). Murdock asked the fool where the girl was, and he lied about not knowing. So I picked him up and said I’d throw him off a cliff if he didn’t tell Mr. T the truth. He wasn’t willing to die for his lie – no one is.

Now that you know about the word, you might ask why we can’t just rely on reason to show us how to glorify God. Because reason ain’t good enough – no matter what fools like David Hume & Voltaire say, reason alone cannot provide us with all the answers, only revelation can. To assume that we can determine all things through reason alone, is an unreasonable opinion, since we have no transcendent pillar to place our presuppositions in. Thus our reason must start at some point, and if that point is not the revelation of God, then our reason is spurious. In other words, if Hume & Voltaire were still alive, I’d bonk they heads together and tie them to a tree until the police could come & put them in jail. I’m just kidding about that – I only bonk the heads of criminal suckas who are trying to hurt T – I would only bonk they heads in the form of philosophical debate, but the results would be the same, fool.

Thomas Vincent said “Whatever spirit leads fools against or beside the rule of Scriptures isn’t the Spirit of God in truth, but the spirit of error and delusion.” That’s talkin’ about fools and suckas like Joseph Smith & Benny Hinn. “Beloved, believe not every spirit, but try the spirits whether they are of God; because many false prophets are gone out into the world. We are of God: he that knoweth God heareth us; he that is not of God heareth us not. Hereby know the spirit of truth, and the spirit of error.” (1 John 4:1,6)Why do we do everything to the glory of God? Because he created you, fool! The end, sucka!

For more Westminster Shorter Catechism goodness, see the inspiration for this series – Thomas Vincent’s The Shorter Catechism Explained from Scripture (Puritan Paperbacks)

2007
07/12
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Mr. T and the WSC # 1

Mr. THey Fools – I’m back!

I’ve agreed to offer my commentary on the Westminster Shorter Catechism and its in yo best interest to pay attention, sucka!

Q: What is the chief end of man?

A: Man’s chief end is to glorify God, and to enjoy him for ever.

The first thing you might ask T is – “What does chief end mean?” Ask me a hard question, fool! The chief end is our main desire in life. That thing that all the souls long after and aim towards. For example, my chief end is to glorify God and enjoy him forever, but my second chief end is hurl ninjas over my head and into various kinds of shelving, sucka.

Chuckin’ fools into inanimate objects or their friends brings T to his second point: Glorifying God is our chief end, but we also got our jobs and family too. We gotta put food on the table for all the little T’s running around – (1 Thessalonians 4:11-12) but even in doing that, we need to be glorifying God first – 1 Corinthians 10:31 – So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.

Why do we do everything to the glory of God? Because he created you, fool! The end, sucka!

For more Westminster Shorter Catechism goodness, see the inspiration for this series – Thomas Vincent’s The Shorter Catechism Explained from Scripture (Puritan Paperbacks)

2007
06/13
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Mr. T explains T.U.L.I.P. – Perseverance of the Saints

Esteemed suckas and fools, I’m back! This may be my last talk for a while, so enjoy it while you can. I suggest you print it out, frame it, and put it someplace where you’ll see it every day!
You must persevere! I’d like to thank each of you who persevered through my explanation of TULIP. Now, we gonna finish up by looking at the perseverance of the saints (or Pots). What we can figure out from all the other parts of the TULIP is that the people of God will endure until the end and not be lost, like that fool Murdoch when he doesn’t have a map. Sometimes even when he do have one. I’m gonna break it down like this:

I’m a Christian, so if God elected me, why do I have to do anything at all? Aren’t I already gold?

Shutup with that nonsense, fool! Jesus made it clear – “If you continue in my word, you are truly my disciples.” (John 8:31). Paul warns you fools in Galatians 5:19-21, “Now the works of the flesh are plain: immorality, impurity, licentiousness, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, anger, selfishness, dissension, party spirit, envy, drunkenness, carousing, and the like. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things shall not enter the kingdom of God.” John says the same thing “And by this we may be sure that we know him, if we keep his commandments. He who says, ‘I know him’ but disobeys his commandments is a liar, and the truth is not in him; but whoever keeps his word, in him truly love for God is perfected. By this we may be sure that we are in him: he who says he abides in him ought to walk in the same way in which he walked.” (1 John 2:3-6). To make sure you ain’t confused like so many fools when they see Mr. T sneak up behind them in all his glory, I’m gonna spell one thing out: The Bible doesn’t call you to be perfect – Philippians 3:12-14 tells us that we ain’t perfect yet, but the perfection in Christ is what we need to be marching towards. Our lives need to be morally changed by Christ through his election.

OK, so ain’t you just sayin’ that someone can be elected, but then not follow Christ? I know a lot of people who said they were Christian but left the church.

No way, fool! The fact of the matter is, there are people who will profess to be elect in Christ but just ain’t! John talks about this in 1 John 2:19, “They went out from us, but they were not of us; for if they had been of us, they would have continued with us; but they went out, that it might be made plain that they all are not of us.” Jesus talks about it in his parable of the four kinds of soil – they fools are the ones who “hear the word, receive it with joy; but these have no root, they believe for a while and in a time of temptation fall away.” (Luke 8:9-14).

The Scripture breaks it down like this: God chooses you before the foundation of time, He calls you, gives you a new heart so that you can accept that call, and then expects you to walk faithfully in Christ until the end of your days. But he don’t just hope that you’ll do it, he makes sure that you will. 1 Peter 1:5, “By God’s power we are guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.” Philippians 1:6, “And I am sure that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.” 1 Corinthians 1:8-9, “Jesus Christ will sustain you to the end; guiltless in the day of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is faithful, by whom you were called into the fellowship of his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord.”

Make sure of your election in Christ. 2 Peter 1:10 says: “Therefore, brethren, be the more zealous to confirm your call and election, for if you do this you will never fall; so there will be richly provided for you an entrance into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.” Repent of your sins. Forsake them. Receive Christ’s Grace and know that your salvation is secure – “We know that in everything God works for good with those who love him, who are called according to his propose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brethren. And those whom he predestined he also called; and those whom he called he also justified; and those whom he justified he also glorified.” (Romans 8:28-30)

2006
11/13
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Mr. T explains T.U.L.I.P. – Irresistible Grace

As some of you may know, in 1972 a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn’t commit. These men promptly escaped a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire…the A-Team.

My crewYeah, fools were always trying to find the A-Team. And we helped them whenever we could. Even though it was our preference to get paid for that work, sometimes fools can’t afford to pay you, like when we helped all those cons who were being forced to fight to the death by that evil warden. When we helped suckas like that, it was a gift.

I wanna talk about the gift God has for you, that’s what I’m talkin’ about when I say Irresistible Grace.

First off, God’s grace is kind of like my van, only infinitely more unstoppable – ain’t no fool in the whole world can stop it. Daniel 4:35 says “He does according to his will in the host of heaven and among the inhabitants of the earth; and none can stay his hand!” So God’s grace is what he uses to give us the faith in Jesus that will save us from damnation. Right about now some fools might be hollerin’ at T tellin’ me that God’s grace is what saves us, but we can refuse it by our own free will. That’s a bunch of jive-jibba-jabba, fool! We so messed up that If we left to our own will, we’ll choose against God every time and twice on Sunday, sucka. Jesus told us all about it in John 6:64-65 : “But there are some of you that do not believe.’ For Jesus knew from the first who those were that did not believe, and who it was that should betray him. And he said, ‘This is why I told you that no one can come to me unless it is granted him by the Father.”

That don’t mean that God forces us to do things against our will. Instead it means that our will is changed by Him. Imagine that my van rolls up on some Ninjas, and they want to fight because they evil – I could knock they heads around and make them fight for me against they ninja-boss, but then they only doing it because they have to. They’d stop workin’ with the A-Team as soon as they could. But God is able to turn those fools from evil Ninjas into good Ninjas, so they actually want to depart from they evil with all they hearts. That’s how irresistible grace works.

Paul talks about this in 1 Corinthians 1:23-24 says, “We preach Christ crucified, a stumbling block to Jews and folly to Gentiles, but to those who are called, both Jew and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God.” Christ is the same whether preached to believers or non-believers, but God makes some of them understand, and the rest of them think we Christians is a bunch a fools!

John Piper said “Those who are called have their eyes opened by the sovereign creative power of God so that they no longer see the cross as foolishness but as the power and the wisdom of God. The effectual call is the miracle of having our blindness removed. This is irresistible grace.” That’s true, fool!

in 1972 a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn’t commit. These men promptly escaped a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire…the A-Team.

To me, that seems to have happened forever ago. We was framed, but thanks to my strength, and Hannibal’s brains, we escaped judgment. Remember, we was innocent. But listen, fool. As you stand before God, you ain’t innocent, and not even Mr. T can help you escape from hell once you there. So if you readin’ this and you feel your the weight of your sin on your shoulders, and you can hear God calling for you to repent, pray to Him! Ask Jesus to forgive your sins. Believe that he died for them and repent from them!

I’ll be back one more time to close up this series.

2006
11/03
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Mr. T explains T.U.L.I.P. – Limited Atonement

Hello, fools! I’m back to talk to you about the doctrine of Limited Atonement, you dig?Listen, fool!

First things first. What atonement are we talkin’ about? We talkin’ about the atonement made by Jesus when he died on the cross in our place. By his death, we were given salvation. This was necessary because our sin is a big deal and rightfully separates us from a just & holy God. Paul talks about this in Romans 3:25-26, “…whom God put forward as a propitiation by his blood, to be received by faith. This was to show God’s righteousness, because in his divine forbearance he had passed over former sins. It was to show his righteousness at the present time, so that he might be just and the justifier of the one who has faith in Jesus.” Since God is holy, he can’t let suckas off the hook and act like they sin never happened. That’s why Jesus stepped up to be punished for our sins. Our sins don’t just disappear, they’re paid for one way or another. By Christ, or by an eternity in hell.

OK, so unless you some kind of super-fool, you understand just what the atonement is. Christ’s death on the cross for the sake of our salvation from our sins. The questions some fools wonder about is just how far reaching that atonement is. Was it for all people, or only for some?

The non-fool answer is that it’s limited only to the believer’s in Jesus. If Christ died and paid the penalty for everybody’s sin, then everybody would be going to heaven no matter what they did. The Bible don’t say that. The Bible says that Jesus prays for and sanctifies only those whom God gave to him, not the whole world (John 17:6,9,19).

And that’s it. I’ll be back next week.

2006
10/27
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Mr. T explains T.U.L.I.P. – Unconditional Election

Mr. T is back to explain the ‘U’ in T.U.L.I.P.; Unconditional Election.

Knowledge, fool!Hey fool, I’m back! But don’t be scared, I’m just here to drop some Truth on you. That’s what the ‘T’ stands for in my name, sucka. Last week we talked about Total Depravity. For those of you fools who didn’t read that, or don’t know what it is – that means you an evil fool, sucka! You can’t help but be the kind of fool, thug, or soul that wants to be god. But you ain’t God, sucka! Total Depravity is why them humanists with they jibba-jabba always mess things up. They think they good, but they ain’t!

This week we gonna talk about Unconditional Election.

So maybe you askin’ since I’m no good on my own what do I do to be saved. The apostle Peter was asked that very question and said – “Repent and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins, and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.” (Acts 2:38). Now, I’ve said before and I’ll say again that you’re a fool if you don’t do what Peter tells you, but unconditional election doesn’t involve how you get saved as much as why you get saved.

When T was in the A-Team, people used to try to find us for help. Those fools can’t find us on they own, though. They needed Murdock to dress up like some sort of fool and come to them. That’s how it works for God too. Only with God, no one comes and asks Him for help. Sucka, you think you gonna try and find God on your own? No way, fool! You’re dead in your sins. You don’t want nothin’ but yo sins. God is the one that has to give fools a new heart. The only way some thug fool is ever gonna repent and be baptized is if God makes Him want it. God makes that fool want to be saved – and He chose that fool to be saved before time itself began – like Paul says: “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. He predestined us in love to be his sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of the glory of his grace.” (Ephesians 1:3-6).

So maybe you want to ask T, “If God does all the work, does that mean it’s His fault people go to hell?” It’s true that fools that haven’t been chose by God won’t be saved – like Jesus said in John 10:26, “You do not believe, because you do not belong to my sheep.” So if you don’t believe, it’s because God hasn’t chosen you… yet. He controls when and how you come to Him – he’s working through all his saints, even Mr. T. Back to you question though, “Does that mean it’s His fault people go to hell?” Cut out that crazy talk, fool! We already talked last time about how all of us sin of our own accord and love doing it. God just chooses to open some of our eyes. For example, if some fool ninjas tried to attack my van, I’d have to turn them to cream cheese. But what if I decide to let one live? That doesn’t mean that the others didn’t deserve the chopped liver treatment I gave them. God says in Romans 9:15-16, “I will have mercy on whom I have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion. So it depends not upon man’s will or exertion, but upon God’s mercy.”

If ever you were gonna stop actin’ a fool and listen to T, now’s the time. You might hear about sin in your life and what Jesus did, and reject it. Well that is what it is, soul. You don’t accept Jesus but you can’t accept Jesus. Maybe that’s how it’s been yo whole life – but maybe you startin’ to feel something you hadn’t felt before. That might be God callin’ you out of yo dead sleep of sin, callin’ you to Him. Don’t be a fool! Listen to God now, ‘cuz once you die, it’s too late, sucka!

If God calls you, and chooses you then know this…

Romans 8:28-33.

We know that in everything God works for good with those who love him, who are called according to his purpose, For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the first-born among many brethren. And those whom he predestined he also called; and those whom he called he also justified; and those whom he justified he also glorified. What then shall we say to this? If God is for us, who is against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, will he not also give us all things with him? Who shall bring any charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies.

Until next time – Don’t be a fool!

2006
10/20
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Mr. T explains T.U.L.I.P. – Total Depravity

I thought I’d do something fun for the next 5 Fridays. I’ll be explaining the concept of the “Calvnist” doctrine known as T.U.L.I.P. through one of my boyhood heroes, Mr. T.

T on Total Depravity -

Listen up fool! A lot of suckas don’t realize that the natural state of man – the way we was born – is evil! Most fools don’t believe T about this, but that’s why they fools! Romans 3:9-10 & 18 says “I have already charged that all men, both JewsMr. T...bn and Greeks, are under the power of sin, as it is written: None is righteous, no not one; no one seeks for God….There is no fear of God before their eyes.”. I pity the fool that don’t listen to T, but I REALLY pity the fool who don’t listen to what God said, sucka!

Some of you might whine to Mr. T “But I drink my milk, love my Mama, give to charity, go to church…” cut that jibba-jabba out, fool! God says that even when you say you tryin’ you really sinnin’! The Romans 14:23 says “Whatever does not proceed from faith is sin.” That means that it don’t matter if you try to live in church your whole life, like them monks did way back then, it don’t matter! You can’t do nuthiin’ good apart from faith, fool!

Now listen, some of you are thinkin’ “I don’t buy all that jive, I can live a life without sin.” My response is – Shutup, fool! Don’t give me no back talk! You only sayin’ that because you don’t get what sin is! You probably think, that if you don’t kill people, only bash they heads together or pick them up and throw them at something then you ain’t done nothin’ wrong! That’s crazy fool! The only man who ever lived with out sin was Jesus, and since He was also God, it means ain’t none of us gonna do it again! Sin ain’t just big things like murder & rape – it when you do things like hating someone, lying, putting other things before God, starin’ at a pretty girl in the wrong way. Go ahead and try to live without sin – you can’t do it because it ain’t in yo fallen nature, fool. Just wait and see what pops out of your heart the next time Murdock says something crazy, or when some fool jumps out and shoots the tires on your van! That momentary loss of control, when you lose your temper and hate your neighbor, or even your loved ones, that’s sin fool! You always sinnin’!

Here’s the worst part, fool. The Bible says that man is gonna die once, then face judgment. (Hebrews 9:27). I pity the fool who dies and comes before God guilty of all his sins. You think God is gonna let you go just because? He won’t do it fool! You guilty, and the sentence for your sins WILL be carried out. You know something, though? It don’t have to be that way. Ask Jesus to forgive yo sins. Repent of them. Follow Christ. I will unpity if you have those sins removed through faith in Jesus. And believe Mr. T, ain’t nobody but Jesus that would or even could forgive yo sins, sucka.

I’ll be back with more next week. Don’t act a fool, fool.

2006
10/13
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