Those Peter Pans

Mark Driscoll wrote an article on the predominant tendency of boys to just stop maturing and never become men.  They become guys instead.  Michael Kimmel wrote a book called Guyland about this very issue.  It’s worth reading if you’ve ever found yourself wondering how we reached a point where the High School graduates (regardless of whether they’re class of ’89 or ’09) still act like they never left.  A generation of Woodersons if you follow my meaning.

Driscoll talks about the various manifestations of the guys, paying some attention to guys (read: neither boys nor men) in church:

Men in the Church: Cowards and Complainers

What happens if you walk into the church and try to find out what a man looks like? First of all, you’re not going to find a lot of guys in most evangelical churches. The least likely person to see in church is a single, twenty-something male. He is as rare at church as a vegan at a steak house.

In the world, boys who can shave are children who are consumers. In the church, boys who can shave are cowards who are complainers.

A buddy of mine calls them evangellyfish because they have no backbone. They don’t declare a major, church, theology, or fiancé. They don’t want to fail and they think if they don’t try, then they can’t fail. And by definition, that’s a failure.

They are, however, endowed with the spiritual gift of complaining. They say, “I hate the church. The church just wants my money.” As if the church wants his futon, Xbox, light beer, and computer filled with free Internet porn.

Here’s the cold hard truth: it’s a lot harder to do something than it is to complain about those who are doing something. The notorious sin of Christian guys is complaining about guys who are doing something rather than doing something.

I know these guys.  They’re not exact replicas of the guy Driscoll is writing about, but there are similarities.  Especially the points about complaining and avoiding marriage.  You can read the entire article here.  Tell me what your elf-eyes see about this.

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2010
08/25
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5 comments
  • Jenn

    Men aren’t the only ones suffering from this epidemic. Women can be just as bad. I’ve heard this statement from many young ladies that I know over and over again, “I just want to have fun for as long as I can.” As a result we have Christian twenty-somethings who are stagnant in their growth and who think that they only have to grow up when they get married or have children or…..who knows what.

  • Kris Kord

    By his grace, God has preserved me from many of the specifics Driscoll mentions, but I definitely recognize the “if I don’t even try, I can’t fail” mentality all too often in my own life.

    When I got married at the age of 21, many people thought I was crazy. “You’re so young, don’t you want to have some fun before settling down?” they would say, or “Don’t tie yourself down so quickly, you’re not even old enough to know who you are yet. Go find yourself first.” And all of this coming from my Christian friends! This mentality that it is okay for boys not to grow up until their late twenties, or even thirties, is permeating our whole culture, and crossing over into the church as well.

    Interestingly enough, I think C.S. Lewis addressed one aspect of the rise of this phenomenon quite well in his book “The Four Loves”. Read what he says in the portion on ‘storge’, and how mothers coddle their children, forgetting that their role is to prepare them for adulthood, rather than keep them the same for as long as possible. Certainly there are more factors that come into play in our consumeristic culture, but we parents must recognize that we play a pivotal role in turning boys into men, and girls into women. Let kids be kids, but always remember it is our job to help them grow up, and protect against the ‘Peter Pan Syndrome’.

  • http://jonspach.com Jason Anspach

    My wife & I were married when we were 21 as well. Our junior year of college.

    Family, friends, & fellow students (whether Christian or not) acted in a manner similar to what you say.

    “The Audacity! The Unmitigated gall!” This needs to stop.

  • Jaclyn

    My sister recently got engaged (she’s 21, he’s 22) and several of our family members (aunts and uncles) who claim to be Christians are shocked because they don’t have enough money, my sister will have to support while her husband is finishing seminary, etc.

    What I’m trying to get at here is that besides needed to “find yourself” (which I too have heard) a whole lot of emphasis is also being put on money money money– Even from our Christian friends. You can’t–shouldn’t– get married until you’re completely and utterly financially stable. Now, obviously you don’t want to have to continually go back to your parents, but I think you get the point. What’s really sad here is that not only are the Christian young men in church not growing up, they’re competing with a standard that can easily turn money into an idol.

  • http://jonspach.com Jason Anspach

    Great points! You’re spot on about the opening for money to become an idol (like it needs any help). I think the same principle holds true even after marriage, when people are trying to determine whether or not they can “afford” to have kids.